It's a Smut World After All

Everyone seems to have a raunchy appreciation for sexualizing children's toys when the kids aren't watching. Up to a point, this is probably healthy. After all, the first thing any child does with a Barbie and Ken combo is whip their pants off get a gander at their privates (or lack thereof). And we've all known that wisecracking adult who won't stop riffing on Barbie's secret affair with GI Joe and other such hilariously taboo topics (we'd kill that guy if he wasn't the boss's nephew). It's the same collision of pornography and children's entertainment that made Hot Topic shoppers mistake Team America and Wonder Showzen for humor.

The fact that this is such time-tested material for overgrown third graders makes me wonder about products like this:

It's hard to imagine this going through the process of design, approvals, and manufacture without someone noticing that this Disney Princess (Ariel or Amethyst or Koriander or whichever the hell one this is) has a giant, plastic shlong. And that consumers are going to suck on it. In fact, I can practically hear the stunted toy designers giggling like farting choir boys during every stage of its development.

It's especially odd coming from Disney, a company so protective of their public image they make L. Ron Hubbard look like Courtney Love. I mean, how could a product with such wide distribution and promotion as this:

...make it past the top dogs at Disney without anyone questioning how the Pez pellets will look popping out of the dwarfs' pee holes? It's just not fathomable. Much more likely that a couple of mischievous Pez employees are high-fiving each other every time they see this on the shelf at Target.

There are plenty of examples, and one you've surely seen by now is this:

It's understandable that you think this is just some pervy Photoshop prank, but nope:

 To be fair, I don't think the revelation that a super-powered mutant's wang is made of chewy plastic should be a huge surprise to anyone.